It’s been a few days now since we got the news about Danny Severance taking his own life. Since then, there have been a lot of public and private conversations as we all try our best to support Tyler and his family (and each other) through this difficult time.
It’s impossibly hard to put any of this into words. Danny was a lot of things to a lot of people; a brother, a player, a legend, a rumor, a troublemaker, a good time, a bad time, a mess, a laugh, a friend…all of this, and so very much more. He was a unique and complicated human being, with a lot of talent and too much darkness and in the end he chose to let it swallow him up.
I’ve always felt that it’s important to acknowledge the whole of someone’s life when they’re gone. It’s important for everyone left behind that a person is celebrated not just for the good things about their life but the bad things as well; that we celebrate their entirety and that we allow them the dignity of being remembered as they truly were – a unique and complicated human being. Every person is made of the good, the bad, and everything in between.
It was a mean and stupid thing for Danny to end his life. It was foolish and short-sighted and if I could reach beyond and snatch him back I would punch him right in the mouth and then I would hold him so tight and say “You stupid, stupid little boy don’t you know you are loved?” What he did, no matter how much pain he was in, what he did was wrong and it was stupid and it has lessened us all. In a life that was filled with him always striving to give as much of himself as he could to lift up everyone around him, his final act was one of pure selfishness. And maybe that’s what hurts the most…it’s not that he’s gone, it’s that he finally disappointed us. We can, and will, live with his absence. But what really hurts is that in his final moments, he was not the loving Danny that we all adored…he was just a selfish little boy who couldn’t think of anyone but himself.
It’s hard to write that. Even harder to think it. But I’m angry, as a lot of us are. And I can’t talk about how much we loved him if I can’t also mention how angry we are that he didn’t take better care of himself and that he chose to end his life instead of doing what the rest of us have done; muscling through the pain and fighting through it and just dealing with it because that’s just how it is sometimes. Sometimes it just hurts. It hurts horribly and you think you just can’t take it any more but you do, because you just have to hope that it will get better.
And that’s the stupid thing about life…no matter how bad it treats you, it really does always get better. Sometimes it’s a waiting game and sometimes it’s a fight but you just have to get through because it really does…it gets better.
Dammit, Danny. You just didn’t have to do it. You just didn’t.
I really appreciate this post. Not because I *like* to ruminate on the bad things about Danny’s life – I’ll always remember the good over the bad – but there were a lot of destructive things going on in his life – and anyone who knew him, knew it.
I don’t say this to point blame on anyone – and I mean anyone. I know for a fact that he had a lot of loving friends and family who called him out on some of the more destructive things – but maybe this is time to have a good converstaion about some of these things.
As long as I can remember going to big-event contests, (2005 was my first world’s) I remember a ton of underage drinking (15 on average) and a ton of drug use.
I don’t say this to condemn anyone or to say that I think we should be a sort of moral police (that never helps anyone) – but I do think that some of the older adults that have historically been enabling some of these behaviors should think twice about what kind of lasting impressions or habits that they might be forming in younger impressionable kids.
Just because kids are smart and decently mature at 14 – 15, doesn’t mean they’re ready to be exposed to that kind of stuff and properly make their own informed decisions about it.
I dunno… I’m torn up and I’m angry and there are a lot of questions I’ll never get to ask Danny.
I repeat – I don’t want anyone to feel guilty – in the end, Danny always did what Danny wanted and no one – but no one – was ever going to convince him to do otherwise.
I just think it’s incredibly sad that this action wasn’t a 100% surprise if you knew Danny and saw what he spent his time and energy on – it was a lot of depressing stuff – signs of a life full of energy and creativity with no direction or proper outflow for his creativity.
Can we maybe start thinking about the impact of what we’re doing and how it shapes people?
Youre like his speaker for the dead. Very moving. I have lost friends and more to suicide and it always hurts my heart to see other go through it. good vibes to the severance’s.
This makes me so sad. A horrible thing to put your loved ones through, Danny. I hope you found the peace you were looking for.
Somehow I missed that one handed bucket the first dozen times I watched that Save Deth video. What beautiful playing. He’s always played a big role in the way I approach tricks.
Gonna go learn all the Jenkem Dreams tricks.